So on my birthday, I totaled my car… and not in a cool way that you can brag about, “Yeah, I was flying down Mill Mountain when I flew off the edge after side-swiping a homeless biker and came within inches of colliding with an oncoming train!”  Nope.  In Blair’s world, I was dropping off the director of the play I was doing to her hotel.  We were sitting out front when Cheryl (the director) said something to make me laugh, when my foot slid off the brake and onto the gas.  Fortunately a brick wall was there to cushion the crash.  In shock, I switched to reverse and slammed on the gas which caused the car to whip around and pull out a nailed-down bench.  I blame Cheryl   My brother-in-law refuses to believe it happened that way, to which I say, “yes Matt, I am THAT stupid!”

I had applied for another job, which I know I was very qualified for… the owner felt very differently.  In hindsight, I think where I dropped the ball was when the employer kept asking me “how I would describe the company”…  In all honesty, I wasn’t totally familiar.  So I tried to BS my way threw that question, which clearly paid off.  The real answer that I wanted to give was, “Yeah, I dunno… I just want better pay and health insurance”.

But the suckiest of it all is my mother going back into the hospital… For those of you who don’t know, my mother suffers from extreme bi-polarness… I won’t go into specifics because it’s hard to talk/think about.  While she’s being rehabilitated, I have now attained the role of wife to my father meaning cleaning up after “Pigpin”.  I don’t mind b/c I know he’s got A LOT on him, but dude come on, do a little picking up after yourself now and then.  And his toilet, what does he do to that thing?!  That’s a story for another time; my sister Heidi knows…  It’s like the “Odd Couple” sometimes…

With all the craptastic-ness thus far, I’m really not holding out hope for this competition I entered for Comedy Central… basically it could take “Tuned Out” to another level.  But I’ve been down this road before…

All right March, let’s pick up the slack!

Blair

Coming up tomorrow (actually today but I haven’t gone to bed yet), I along with Ami Trowell will be interviewed on a live, local talk show “Daytime Blue Ridge” on WSLS.  We’ll both be going in character from our TV show “Tuned Out” which also airs on the NBC affiliate.  This’ll be our second appearance on the show.  It’s so fun to go make an ass of yourself, at least for me it is, on live television plus its great getting to improvise with Ames!  I thought it would be funny to go on the show hocking some bogus charity and my other very funny friend Christie suggested a charity for dandruff but call it “cranial dermatitis”.  Of course, I have a tendency to go a li’l black with my humor and was wanting to paint “cranial dermatitis” as being more important than cancer; saying something like:

“This is way more important because it affects your outsides’ and looks are what make the world go `round”

That may be a tad too harsh… we’ll think of something… here’s our appearance from September, in case you missed it:

Even better, the hosts of “Daytime” have agreed to make a cameo on “Tuned Out” which we’ll be filming immediately after the show… now if the show could just go national… Alright, I’m off to bed… night!

Blur’d

So another year comes to a close and I’ve yet to accomplish my dream of starring in a critically acclaimed NBC sitcom and/or meeting celebrities while being the next Will Ferrell (or at the very least Horatio Sans) on SNL.  Instead, I’m barely hanging onto my 20’s, chillaxin’ in my bedroom of 27 years and producing a TV show that gets more views from me than anyone else on YouTube.  The personals ad just writes itself, doesn’t it?  I know you’re thinking, “But Blair, you have Tuned Out on Channel 10!” (I’m assuming you know that channel 10 in Roanoke is an NBC affiliate).  And while this is true, we follow religious nut-job & wife, Jack Van Impe, at 12:30am on early Mondays.  It’s not exactly a high profile timeslot and selling it is equally as fun.  I know I should think positively, but surprisingly, I don’t.  I’m not made that way.  That’s why I take Zoloft.  So essentially, I can be down on myself in an upbeat, bubbly way.  I just feel like I’m running myself into the ground and no traction is being made.  Basically, I’m trying to decide if I should renew with 10 at the end of February.  I’ll keep you posted.  I wish I could be one of those people who can take life one day at a time.  Wonder what pill would help me with that… aaannnddd if Kroger has the generic form?

In other news, I’m going to try and submit “Tuned Out” into this TV pilot competition for Comedy Central.  It probably won’t go anywhere… (Nope, shut up… take your Zoloft!)  It t’will be AMAZING!

I need to sleep now… I LOVE YOU SO HARD!

Bla

On second thought, maybe I should discard this recommendation.

I would like to be apart your “Saturday Night Live” cast.  My resume is very extensive and I believe encompasses what you’re looking for in a potential hire.  Let’s start with my training; are you familiar with the program “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” because I’ve seen every episode!  In addition, I attended the renowned improv school Second City in Chicago for not 1, but 5 days in the summer of 2010.  I was told by my very funny teacher that my pantomiming “needs work”.   I’ve auditioned twice for a local improv troupe and had I been an African American and/or female, I have on good authority that I would’ve secured a position.  Now training is important, but you and I both know its experience that really counts.

I produced a sketch show for 6 years on public access.  It warmed the cockles on my heart when I came across fans who’d say, “Well, at least the bloopers were funny.”  To which I replied, “Thank you, but I’m just like you” and I’d whisper it, allowing them to know I’m not some God, but a real person just like them.  It’s important to be humble in this industry.  My current TV project “Tuned Out” actually airs in your neck of the woods, New York City.  We’ve been on for almost 2 years and at least 1 person has reached out, from Harlem, to say she enjoyed the show very much… and if we’d donate money to help pay her electric bill.

I also believe I’ve had a comedic impact on YouTube.  My newest video (as of 11/8) has had close to 40 hits and 2 likes.  I could go on and on, but I believe the proof is in the pudding.  I look forward to your response Mr. Michaels and thank you for your time!

Love, Best, Please, Sincerely,

Blair Peyton

PS – Your twitter account says you live in Amsterdam now?!  We really do need to chat more!